I graduated from college and all I got was this lousy handshake.

So there I was, a wide-eyed and eager twenty year old fresh out of a three year academic black hole at a junior college, deciding what to finally major in.

Architecture? Been there.
Music? Just got out of it.

I like to read and love to think. I'm halfway decent at writing and can prove my arguments--whatever they may be--reasonably well. I think history is interesting. So I put the pieces together, then a dim light bulb appeared over my noodle and "philosophy" came to mind. It seemed like a good choice since it fit my rational disposition and gave me an excuse to not pursue a real degree. I heard about philosophy classes being open to intelligent conversation and rational debate, and that they were taught by brilliant hippie Berekely grads who wore flip-flops to class and encouraged free thinking. I heard it didn't matter how ridiculous your argument was but how well you proved it.

So I enrolled in the Fresno State philosophy program with an emphasis in Religious Studies and convinced myself this would be a good thing.

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Two years later I'm sitting on a wooden barstool at my parents' kitchen counter, sending resumes to any employer whose job description includes "good personality" and "go-getter". As much as I enjoyed analyzing The Critique of Pure Reason and discussing Aristotle's Ethics, I am now realizing Kant can't get me a damn job, contrary to all the people who consoled me by saying "well at least it's a degree, that's all that people really look for." Bullshit. Employers do in fact look for people with degrees, but degrees with specific skill sets and particular academic background. Do I like design and am I good at it? Yes I do and yes I am, but I don't have the piece of paper to prove it. Of course I thought about this prior to my enrollment of the philosophy program but I was eased by the romantic idea of an impractical degree finding me a lucrative, practical job.

I'm employable, but in the broad sense of the word. I have good people skills, I can write well, I'm organized, I haven't murdered anyone, blah blah, etc., but that pretty much only leaves room for jobs as a receptionist, customer service rep, or a retail push-button monkey. I've already worked at a retail store for two years and I'm not about to go much longer working in that terrifying hell; my perspective on humanity is already bleak enough as it is, I don't need another five years of misanthropic cynicism to bog me down.

So I suppose this post has come to the point of this: If you're an employer in Los Angeles and have a job opening for a creative, smart, sarcastic misanthrope with an astute knowledge of modern philosophy, call me. We'll talk.